Uncomfortable

I heard something a few days ago that God keeps bringing back to my attention, and so I thought I would share! I listen to Christian radio, mainly KLOVE or Air1, and I am not sure which station I was listening to at the time but there was a gentleman talking about being comfortable in our lives. As I caught just a bit of what he was saying, I began to think about my life. I know the place that I am most comfortable is in my "home", more than likely laying in my bed! As a Christian, we should not ever be totally comfortable on this earth because it is not our home. It is a temporary dwelling place where our souls inhabit flesh for a short amount of time. There are some days that I long to be at the feet of Jesus where all things will be clear and wisdom will be at it's best. Days that are plagued with discipline issues with the kids, misunderstandings in my marriage,listening to the less than desirable decisions that are being made in Washington, hearing on the news that Lubbock is number one in the nation with regards to STD's, seeing all of the opportunities that our kids have to get their hands on pornographic materials...even the magazines staring you down as you attempt to check-out at the grocery store. Covers that speak lies into the minds of our children telling them they need to look a certain way, dress a certain way, and showing them that sex sells on many levels. All of these things make me uncomfortable...and they should. I am not at home.

Jesus Bring the Rain

For the past couple of days, there has been a sadness in my heart...in my memories. I remember the sounds, the smells...the hurt...as if it were yesterday. However, as sad as this day was 3 years ago it was also a time in which I look back upon with a tremendous realization.

In July of 2007 when my sister Sherri had her stroke, she was left unable to talk and paralyzed in half of her body. It was a massive stroke that affected both sides of her brain and ended her life as she knew it. As I sat in the hospital and watched MANY people come and go, I listened to what they said to Sherri...to us. With great pride I listened to how my sister had helped them through a trial in their own life, or how she served at her church...how she touched others. This seemed to be the common thread in all of the conversations of those who came to visit her. The Lord allowed her to live almost 2 months in the hospital in this condition before He took her home, so there was plenty of time to visit with friends and family who came to see Sherri.

The song playing on my blog...Jesus bring the rain...listen to the words carefully. It played over and over in my sister's room and seemed as if it were written for her. Even in the hospital, without a voice, she was able to share her testimony. Her written story of God's work was being passed around the hospital among the nurses and visitors. Because of the rain in her own life, many were able to hear of God's work in her life.

After her death, I reflected upon everything that had happened and I realized that when I leave this world I want to be remembered for how I lived for my God. It was also then that I realized what the world held as important as far as success, beauty, and riches would no longer hold me captive. The worldly mother and wife...or even what someone in particular believed that I should be or do...no longer had a say. My God would have the say. I knew if I was focused on Him and His ways, I would not only be pleasing Him but all other areas of my life would fall into place. My greatest desire is to be remembered by my commitment to God, my service to Him, and the way He loved through me. To hear Him say, "well done" will be the greatest reward EVER!

So, as I remember my sister on this day with sadness...I also give God the glory. He used the rain in my life to wash off my heart, give me a renewed spirit, and settle my eyes upon Him. Though the rain may not be welcomed at the time, God always redeems it for those who seek Him. I am because of Him. I have because of Him. I live because of Him. And, because of Him, there will be a great reunion one day with Sherri! I can't even imagine!!!

Mostly Fingerprints Part...aw, who's counting!!!

The Summer and Fall of 2009 pressed on, and Shawn went from one lead to another as far as financing for the machine. I'll never forget being able to take the girls to Six Flags for a vacation, and Shawn getting a call while we were at the park regarding the CNC and the fact that they would be having to come pick it up soon. We trusted God, shook off the "shakenness" and continued our vacation. It was a wonderful time with the girls, and a total gift from God!

The end of the year rolled around, and financially we were doing so well but the question of the CNC was still an unwelcomed guest in our minds. Shawn continued to try and make connections, and just the sheer fact that the machine was still sitting in Shawn's shop was a miracle of God. Since they wouldn't take Shawn's payments on the machine and would not finance him, logically the machine should have been repossessed many months before. We held on to this. We didn't know what was going to happen, but we knew God had sustained us for this long...beyond what was believable by the human brain...and we trusted He would continue until His plan played out.

In January, Shawn and I spent our anniversary in Ruidoso, NM and had a wonderful time. However, we were both interested in a phone call Shawn was waiting for to see if yet another prospect would co-sign for the machine. During the trip, we found out that Shawn officially had a co-signer, but it was like pulling teeth to get the information from the man. So weeks drug on, and Shawn had gotten a call stating they just could not wait any longer and someone would be coming to pick up the CNC soon. Finally, what seems like forever later...all of the paperwork was in and Shawn simply had to go to the bank and sign the papers. Shawn signed what was needed, left the bank and then realized that there was no co-signer. He called me to share the shocking news, and then called the bank. He was told the co-signers credit actually hurt his chances of getting the loan so they just gave it to him under his name alone! WHAT??? Are you kidding me??? Obviously, God was once again written all over this! Not in a fingerprint, but in a celestial size FOOTPRINT!! Thank you sweet Jesus for being so faithful, so wise, and so loving!! We were simply in awe!!

So, here we are today. It has taken me so long to post the final episode because we spent 5 days on vacation in California, and now we are all sick!! We had such an awesome time, we only lost Hollis once, and the laptop that Hollis spilled Dr. Pepper all over was easily replaced! However, we are still trying to get all of my pictures from forever off of the hard drive!

I have no idea what God has in store for our lives, but I know this. He has proved himself faithful, even though the journey was long and hard. If you are reading this and are in the middle of your storm, hold on. He will not let you down, and if satan is telling you otherwise, remind him that the bible says in Christ, we walk on the head of the enemy.

Speaking of "in Christ", if you cannot recall a moment when you knew that you knew that you knew you were saved by Christ I encourage you to take care of that. It isn't something that happens gradually, but a single moment. If you can't put your finger on a single moment that you chose Christ, then all you have to do is simply pray. ' Dear God, I admit that I have sinned, and I ask you to forgive me of my sins. I believe that Jesus died on the cross so that I could have forgiveness of my sins, and that He then beat death by rising again 3 days later. I believe that you are the one and only God and I am asking you to make me your child and to help me to live a life that is pleasing to you. Thank you God. Amen.' If you just prayed this prayer, I have already prayed for you and your first steps as a child of God!

Now that the novel is finished, I will begin blogging more about daily life and try to post some pics soon!!

Mostly Fingerprints Part 11

As we waited for God to show up in a mighty way, each day passed as a gift. A gift in the form of a paycheck, some crazy type of stability...survival. Shawn helpt those working for him to find different jobs, and continued to seek God to find His will for Shawn. The company had purchased a CNC machine to help fabricate the granite for their jobs. This is a very expensive machine...more than $200,000! Because of the business bankruptcy, Shawn was facing losing the very machine that sustained his business (beyond God). We didn't have this type of money to buy the machine, and Shawn searched daily for someone to loan the money or finance him so that he could buy the machine. Nothing. The time came for the family business to shut down, and so Shawn continued business out of his shop that he leased from another company. Reluctant at first to take on business because of the fear that the bank would repossess the CNC machine, we continued to pray for guidance. Shawn developed a business relationship with one steady customer that has been a HUGE blessing until this very day. Slowly we gained confidence that if the bank had not come to get the machine (that was in default) by now then Shawn would just continue where God was keeping him.

I must interject here that Shawn had made several payments on the machine only to find out they had held the payments due to the pending bankruptcy. (During the entire process he was very honest and forthcoming with all of those he dealt with. Shawn's name wasn't on the bankruptcy since he didn't actually own any part of the business, nor was his name on the leases for equipment either.)

Shawn and I had resolved that whatever he did, it would not be to own the world. We had struggled for so long to simply cover the bills that in the future, we simply wanted to have a healthy income that covered the necessities and if God blessed us with more than we needed then so be it! God had led us through a time that totally changed our mindset of what we needed and wanted. We started out our married life wanting to conquer the world as far as money and tangible things, and I have no doubt that God did a great job pruning us! :-) The lesson had been learned!!

Back to the story... Day by day the weeks passed. What seemed to be the scariest thing as far as careers go was shaping up to be one of the best things that ever happened to us. We were still on borrowed time as far as the machine, but we were able to pay bills on time without juggling!! Beyond finances, because I don't want you to think that is my complete focus, Shawn and I were more on the same page than we had been in a long time. The fingerprints that God had left over the past few years were oh so visible and I could see SO many times God had showed up in the day to day.

Shawn went ahead and named his company Rock Water based on Moses trusting God when he struck the rock as God had instructed that the clean water would flow for the Israelite people. Shawn was totally trusting God with his business and felt this was the perfect name. We both felt like this was where Shawn was supposed to be, if even temporarily.

Summer arrived, and since we had turned my Mercedes in at the end of the lease I had been driving I had been borrowing a pickup truck from Shawn's brother. A ford work truck with an extended cab was my new ride...and I couldn't have been happier. I was so ready to get rid of my car because of the tumultuous time that swirled around the last couple years of having it. By mid summer, we had enough cash to buy me a vehicle and I have never been so happy and proud to drive a used vehicle in my life! Thank you Jesus for bringing me to this point in my life. The road to get here was SO SO SO beyond difficult, but I am thankful for every bit of it!!

Now...what would become of that CNC machine????

Mostly Fingerprints Part 10

The new year brought a bit of hope. The lease on my Mercedes was up in March, so that would free up $1000 every month. This would eliminate some of the time I was having to spend every month making arrangements with the phone and utility companies to keep everything turned on. We could see a bit of a light, but then there was also the looming end to Shawn's business. He was concerned with his employees and helping them to find more business, as well as how he was going to provide for his own family. Again, my faithful God spoke to me on a day when the possibilities of the future seemed more scary than exciting. One thing that was continually my worry was our children and how this was going to affect them. He led me to 2 Samuel 14:11 "...As surely as the Lord lives...not a hair on your son's head will be disturbed." That same day God also filled me with more answers. Shawn had been talking to several different people about buying the entire business, or even just his end of the business which was the granite fabrication. I cannot tell you the countless number of conversations he had, the advice he was given by other successful businessmen, and how he was torn with what he should be doing. We had just sat and discussed several possibilities and options but God knew there was only one option and wanted to be sure we understood this. All in one day, this is what God shared with me:

Amos 9:12-13 ..."The LORD has spoken and he will do these things. 'The time will come', says the Lord, 'when the grain and grapes will grow faster than they can be harvested.' "

Introduction to Job ... Friends give answers that are technically true, but God wants us to stay in touch with His living realities.

Acts 5:27-32..."We must obey God rather than any human authority."

Job 6:24-27... Job was questioning his friends and their lack of specification. He was asking them to tell him the truth.

Hosea 12:1-14...Businessmen engage in freud. Return to God and don't give up on Him EVER!

God was very clearly telling us to focus on Him and what He says and not to place hope in what others were telling us to do. He was telling me once again that He will do what He has said, and to simply stay focused on Him!

So, we pressed on. Each day was definitely a gift because at any minute the bank could have chosen to shut it all down. Shawn was reluctant to take on new jobs and sign contracts he may not be able to fulfill if he no longer had a job. He had to look at his employees and tell them he couldn't assure them their job day by day, and yet they stuck by him. It all seems so much less taxing when I write it in blog form, but living it day to day was quite the test. However, I knew what God had said, I was hanging onto it tightly so that satan didn't steal my hope...and I was waiting for His word to come to pass!

Mostly Fingerprints Part 9

As I sit on my bed with journals spread across the comforter, my bible in hand and laptop at the ready...I'm not sure if I shared this is my previous blog, but it is very important and I need to mention it. On June 5th, 2008 God led me to Acts 7:11-15. Through this scripture He spoke to me that there would be a move or a change that would end our financial hardships. Remember...I only see with human eyes, and so I am thinking a physical move and possibly out of town. I resolved to the fact that if that is where He was leading it had to be better than what was going on!

Throughout the Fall of 2008 God continued to leave mostly fingerprints. Some of them we couldn't see until when we looked back on the situation. But one thing was evident to me every single day...God had not shown up in the mighty way that I had been praying for! Another truth became evident during this time...the family business that Shawn had helped to build with his dad for almost 2 decades was coming to an end. I'm sure you can just hear my thoughts..."Ummm...God. Things are getting worse, and not better. How could you let this happen? Is this our lot in life, because I am SO miserable I can't possibly be doing any good for your kingdom! Where are you God?????" These were things God heard quite often from me, and looking back I must have reminded him of the Israelites! Regardless of the food falling from the sky for them, the sea opening up so that they could flee from the army, and countless other miracles they actually saw with their own eyes...not to mention the cloud they followed by day and the fire by night...they still wanted more from God. Humanness at it's all time stinkiest, and I was acting just like them. Satan continued to try and wreck my thoughts, and I'll have to admit that on some days he was successful.

On November 6th, 2008...when we knew that bankruptcy for the business was eminent, I sat down to pray. I reminded God of all of the scriptures he'd led me to with regards to rescue and harvest...and most of all the recurring way He spoke deep into my spirit that He didn't want us to sell the house because it was the enemy that devoured. I knew if He was telling us to keep the house He would provide. But where was the provision? My human eyes looked and saw financial struggle and Shawn losing his job on top of that! God led me to Numbers 11:23, "Has my arm lost its power? Now you will see whether or not my word comes true!" Wow. Again, He spoke directly to me. I knew my hope was in God, and even though I had momentary lapses when satan used my mind as a playground...I fully trusted God. (AND He had just reminded me to do so!) I was scared about His plan, but I knew He knows what is best for our life. Somewhere during this time I attended a Beth Moore live simulcast at our church. God used her to keep me focused and to refresh my focus. It was so simple, and yet SO huge! Beth shared that when God gives you a word and you know that He has spoken...it will be tested. Hang onto it, believe, and don't let satan still your hope. God had spoken, and we were still in the testing because we weren't ready just yet.

Christmas was upon us, and we somehow managed to buy gifts for the kids. I will tell you though, that the holiday doesn't stand out in my mind as a super difficult time. We had unexpected money come to us from God and so we made it. I had also learned by this time to try and make the best of what God had given to us. Instead of everyday being a complete fight with God about what He had NOT done yet, I realized that was part of this lesson. I needed to find JOY in Him and not what He has or hasn't given me.

Mostly Fingerprints Part 8

I have SO enjoyed looking back over my letters to God and the scriptures that He has led me to over the past few years. It is so apparent on some days that I was extremely frustrated simply by my writing and the large question marks I drew across my pages! Definitely not a time I want to revisit, however I am thankful for all of it because of what I have learned! Even though I am thankful, there were certainly days I was plenty angry with our situation. The good 'ole Jonah attitude took over, and I was questioning why we were struggling so harshly while others who could care less about God, much less their testimony for him, were seemingly without a care and certainly not struggling to pay their bills and keep their family fed! My friend, Angie, and I had spent many hours contemplating this one!!

One day in particular God led me to Malachi 3:14-15. I seriously felt as if I were a child complaining aloud in my room with my door shut, and my dad swings open the door and repeats to me what I'd said only to let me know He can hear my every word. You see, the scripture says "You have said: It is useless to serve God. What have we gained by keeping His requirements and walking mournfully before the LORD of Hosts. So now we consider the arrogant to be fortunate. Not only do those who commit wickedness prosper, the even test God and escape.' " A couple of days later, which seems like an eternity when you are waiting on God, He led me to the follow up scripture, Malachi 3:16.."At that time those who feared the LORD spoke to one another. The LORD took notice and listened. So a book of remembrance was written before Him for those who feared Yahweh and had high regard for His name." Wow...again...my God who wakes the sun up each morning and puts it to bed each night, my God who spoke the earth into existence, my God who gave up perfection in Heaven and came to earth to suffer brutality and death on a cross, my God who conquered the grave and rose to live again...MY God was speaking to me once again. I cannot explain to you how incredible this makes me feel!!

(I want to share with you that at this very moment I can hear, "this is not going to make sense. You might as well leave it out." For a second I stopped, but then realized Satan is trying to sabotage my efforts of sharing how Christ works in my life. Interesting that there is spiritual warfare going on as I type!)

As incredible as I felt when He spoke to me, it is amazing how I needed that constant reassurance. I could not see with my eyes, there was no groundbreaking change even though God had repeatedly assured me through the scriptures and through prayer that change was coming. I'm sure I sounded like a broken record to Him on most days. When God? How God? What is taking you so long God? I can only imagine how I frustrated Him so!

Summer of 2008 came and went, very slowly it seemed. It was time for school to start and we needed to buy school supplies, clothes, shoes. Only, there was nothing extra to buy these things with. Why is it when you are struggling financially everything seems SO difficult? Could it possibly be that too much faith and hope is put in money instead of in God? Hmmmm...

A little side note, during my intense seeking of God He continually gave me scriptures with reference to the state of our nation. I didn't understand and talked to Shawn about them for his input. For example, Amos 6:3-6 "You are cruel and you forget the coming day of judgment...You drink all the wine you want and wear expensive perfume, but you don't care about the ruin of your nation." I was getting this type of scripture about as often as ones that I understood. It wouldn't be long before I totally understood what God was saying. Banks began closing, the failing condition of our economy was spread all over the news, and foreclosures were on the rise. Wow...how, in the midst of so much hardship and economic failure would our situation change? I know God must have been smiling at this thought!!