God's terms

So, in light of my last post...I thought I would update you on my conversations with God! It really is crazy how things happen, and I LOVE it when my God lets me know He is completely aware of my life and the goings on in Sonya Land. Even if it isn't the answer I always want, it is nice to know that He who holds my entire life in His hand is aware and hasn't delegated the task of overseeing daily activities to someone else!

On Thursday night, as I sat in my closet...yes, once again...he led my hands to John 15:18-20. A paraphrase of the verses would be this...

Sonya, I picked you to live on MY terms and so the world will hate you. They hated me, they will certainly hate you.

Anytime I am led to a scripture where God is reminding me that HE CHOSE ME...I am immediately at peace. He knows what is going on around me, and He is continuing to let me know that I am doing what He has asked and to hang in there. He also led me to...

Psalm 18:30...Everyone who runs toward God makes it. (THANK YOU SWEET JESUS! I am running!!!)

Now, He also led me to Job 17: 1-2. 'My spirit is broken and mockers close in on me' is basically what the two scriptures say. If you haven't read the book of Job lately...please do. If Job made it, then surely I will! Thank you Jesus for reminding me that others have felt as I do...and they made it!

If you are finding yourself questioning right about now why in the world I am so at peace with my Jesus based on the suffering described in the above scriptures...this is why. We ALL will suffer on this earth, this I am certain that nobody can deny. Whether it is financial struggles, death of loved ones, divorce, abuse, health issues, or just simply a feeling of unhappiness...EVERYONE battles something. I choose to suffer for Christ, because HE suffered for me. Because I choose Christ, my suffering will end COMPLETELY one day when I am made whole in heaven. This is his promise. He also promises to give me strength and help me to rise on the wings of eagles as I wait upon Him. Therefore, I can handle life much better WITH Him than without Him.

It is also clear in scripture that if I do not choose Christ, there is no other alternative besides Hell. If I have to survive hell on earth from time to time in order to live an eternity of happiness in heaven...I will take that. My prize is waiting for me because of one moment when I asked Jesus to come into my heart, forgive my sins, and lead the way for me. A single moment of my entire life means an eternity of peaceful happiness. Are the trials of this life a fair trade? Absolutely!

A Rib Apart

One of my friends just recently posted something on facebook..."Are we willing to be lonely to stand for what we believe in". Her post was SO real to me for many reasons, and how even among believers in Christ we can sometimes still feel lonely. Follow closely on this one...

For the past couple of days, I have had a rib out of place. Just in case you didn't know this, the 11th and 12th ribs are known as floating ribs as they do not have an anterior connection to the sternum. I have had one out of place and causing pain in my shoulder before, but the one currently keeping me down is in my back. The chiropractor could feel it yesterday by touching my back, and it was all I could do to make it out of his office and to my car before I was reduced to tears! If I move...it hurts. If I breathe...it hurts. As I lay in bed last night, tears rolling and unable to exist without pain...I understood something deep in my soul. Hopefully, you are still with me.

You see, I have been mad at God for a bit now. He has put me in situations and asked me to do things that very definitely set me apart and made me the center of gossip circles. He has put me in the line of fire by calling me to be obedient and follow His direction. He has placed me in the middle of conversations or situations... that I did NOT want to be in... repeatedly over the past year, then placed the Holy Spirit heavy upon me to convict me into action based on what I was hearing or seeing. I have a very dear friend, and gracious knows she is probably sick of me whining to her about "what God has done or shown me now". She helps me to pray through the situation and we discuss scripture that applies and what God may be telling me. (I love this friendship because I know we can talk about life without it being a gossip session, but instead a time of filtering life through the Word of God!) I have shared through tears with her over the past year my frustrations of what God has allowed me to be a part of as well as what I felt like God was telling me to do. She of all people knows how much I have resisted God's calling this past year. She, and my closet.

If the carpet in my closet could talk, it would tell you that over the past couple of months it has been stained with my tears of anger and frustration with God, has felt the tension of my body as I fall in prayer over God's leading me down difficult paths...but one thing it could not deny is the frequency with which we meet! Plain and simple...I have been very angry that God has called me to do some things on His behalf. I am reminded of Jonah, who did exactly what God asked...after trying to avoid and run from God...but was not happy about it. That has been me, call me Jonah. I don't understand God's ways, and I SURE don't understand why He has had me in some situations that He has. HOWEVER, I was reminded last night from where I came. A rib. "Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man" it states in Genesis 2:22. The same man that earlier in the same chapter of Genesis he "formed from the dust of the ground" and "breathed the breath of life" into.

A rib and dirt...that was my humble beginnings. Who am I to question God or become angry when following Him doesn't turn out the way I'd like? Jesus hung on the cross, cloaked in MY sin...I think putting myself in an uncomfortable situation or two based on His call is the least of which I can do for my King. Sometimes following Christ alienates us, but I was created by Him and for His purpose alone. I believe in Christ, as well as His purpose and plan and His word tells me that He chose me. I'm sure my closet hasn't seen the last of my angry fits, and my friend will be getting more phone calls...but God has reminded me who is in charge, and I'll take the lonliness of obedience over fitting in comfortably. I love my God THAT much!