Mostly Fingerprints Part 4

So, we now have a bright spot in our family after having gone through the death of my sister. Hollis came home from the hospital on Thanksgiving Day 2007, and so while the emotional tone around my house was elevated with the excitement of the newest addition, there was an unappreciated guest...heartache. It was there, for the most part unannounced and we all tried our best to avoid it. Christmas was a time of obvious pain, tears, and more honesty with emotions. By the time February rolled around, I was a wreck. Partially due to postpartum, but mainly due to unbelievable grief over the loss of Sherri as well as stress and tension due to our financial circumstances. I decided to tackle a 21 day fast in order to find answers from God on all of the turmoil going on in my life. For the first time in my life I felt beyond connected with God. He ended my severe grief over Sherri's death and gave me hope in our financial future. At the end of my fast, I was praying one day and felt very strongly God was leading me to give my entire check to our church's building fund. Now...this meant we would fall another month behind on our mortgage which we were already playing catch up on. This SO did not make sense, and you can bet that satan tried to make me believe that I misunderstood God. Satan tried to make me believe there was no way this would work. The mortgage company would surely take our house if we did this. I was like a little girl who was scared to death to tell her parents she'd done something wrong when I had to share with Shawn what God was telling me. You see, I felt it in my spirit, but God hadn't spoken to Shawn and so how was he going to understand this? He wasn't happy, but he knew I had to obey. The next morning arrived, and I went to my online banking center to see if my check had been deposited. I fully expected a certain amount, because God had revealed to me an exact amount of what I needed to give to the church. (If you have not ever understood deep in your spirit what God is telling you...down to a number amount for a check... I encourage you to really seek Him and spend some time immersed in Him. It is a wonderful feeling to know Him in this way!!!) I sat shocked looking at my computer, because my check was for more than the amount that I was SURE God had revealed to me in my prayer the day before. I went to my closet, got down on my knees and asked for clarification and immediately He gave me the understanding I needed. The "overage" in my check was my tithe off of the check! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I sat with a smile on my face when I realized that the difference between what I was sure God was telling me to give and the total amount of the check was the 10% God commands that we give to him. I was very familiar with the tithe because this was something that Shawn and I felt strongly convicted to do...even though we needed that money so badly every month, we knew it wasn't an option to hang onto it. That would signify a lack of trust in our God...and we KNEW he was so much bigger than that 10%!! So I made the checks out and gave them to the church. (For the record, we didn't lose our house...in fact, the over zealous man I dealt with at the mortgage company never even questioned it!)

I was still determined to make my career with the home based business work until a few months later when God began speaking to me as he had during my fast. He made it very clear it was time to let that dream go. Keep in mind how awful our financial situation had become. The crazy car payment, our house payment that we could not afford even with my check from my business...it did NOT make sense to me that God was telling me to let that go. My husband's solution was to put the house up for sale, and from a human perspective this seemed like a no-brainer. If you can't afford the house you are living in, you sell it. We had already cut out everything that we could cut out. We were upside down on his truck and couldn't sell it, we still had a year on my car lease...so the house was the only thing that seemed doable. I prayed about it and very clearly heard the Lord tell me that it is the enemy who devours and it wasn't His will for us to lose our home. Shawn and I had several "conversations" about needing to sell the house, but I knew that was not what God wanted us to do. In the meantime, there was a day when I had a few things that I needed to return...all totalling about $40, but we REALLY needed that money to make it to Shawn's next check. I went to all 3 places that held my money...only my items were unreturnable. One was an Easter holiday item, and since I was passed that date I couldn't return it. I couldn't find the receipt for one, and I don't even know what the issue was with the third item. There in my car that we could not afford but could not get rid of I sat, talking to God. In an almost audible voice I heard, "Let ME do this". I realized I was still trying to control things if it was only by digging up items around the house that I could get money for! That was a pivotal moment for me as far as knowing that God was wanting me to let it ALL go and rely on Him completely!!

The next pivotal point I found myself in was in May of 2008...Shawn and I were sitting in an office at the family coaching facility. Due to all of the craziness we'd gone through over the past year...death, financial struggle, huge issues with his job which caused him to work late and added more stress to both of our plates...we found ourselves in the middle of a marriage that neither of us were happy in and were not sure how to make it work anymore. More to come...